Pairing: Elijah Wood/Billy Boyd Billy Boyd/Dominic Monaghan
Rated: PG13
Summary: Someone who collects Star Wars memorabilia is in love with someone else...Just another little angsty fic
Author's Notes: Written from first person POV
Disclaimer: I do not know these men. No profit is made nor offence intended.
Feedback: Always appreciated - perhobfan@yahoo.co.uk
Monday
I want you so much I can feel reason departing from me like birds migrating south for the winter. Every rational thought I possess is jumping ship. Soon I will be nothing but a walking, moving, lusting shell. Oh God.
You don't walk anywhere, you shimmy. You don't talk like ordinary people, you open a door into your world and I am sucked right in. No choice. Resistance is futile.
There was a time, unbelievably, when I didn't give you a great deal of thought. Your eyes didn't cry out to me then, your skin didn't draw my glance, you were just another cute body which happened to belong to a great mate.
What am I going to do? When did this thing happen? Where was the dividing line between friendship, casual interest and full-blown obsession?
Tuesday
You just called by, dropped in. You are a friend, after all. Friends do that, drop in. You had been shopping and seen something in a novelty shop you thought I would like. You shopped for me. It's a silly Star Wars thing, and I didn't have the heart to tell you it was a fake, I could tell straight away. What the hell, you bought it for me because you thought I would like it.
I love it. It is now in my collection of genuine Star Wars originals; it takes pride of place. I have changed its position on the shelf in my trailer ten times, desperate for you to see it when next you visit. You will walk in and it will be there, exactly right, catching the light. You picked it, paid for it, handled it, presented it. I will love it forever.
I will love you forever.
As you were leaving, the second you stood framed in the doorway and smiled goodbye I nearly cried out, nearly told you to stay, to have another drink, talk a while, lay down on the couch with me and introduce your body to mine...
I didn't. Mistake. I will tell you next time. Oh God.
Wednesday
Okay. That was yesterday.
I love you. The next time I see you, Billy Boyd, I am going to walk right up to you and tell you straight that I can no longer keep my hands off you. I will kiss you full on that mouth. You can slap me if you like, tell me to piss off, call security, report me to Peter, diss me to our friends, tell me to get a life... but maybe you will kiss me back, probe me with your tongue, press against me with your lean hard body, tell me you feel exactly the same…Oh please, let that be the way it is.
I see you walking towards the trailer, whistling. You carry a shopping bag. You drop the bag and have to stoop to pick it up. God, I love that you are clumsy sometimes, get drunk sometimes, are a bit of a fashion disaster sometimes, have eyes that remind me of sun- dried seaweed…
You are nearly here and I grab a mint, run fingers through my hair, throw my dirty washing in a convenient cupboard. Look around one more time, check the shelf, yes!
My eyes are focused now on the door, I can almost see you on the other side of the wood and metal, raising your hand to knock. I see the constituents of the fabric of the trailer melding and merging, atoms scrambling, universes rearranging, black holes aligning, all in preparation for what will take place in 5,4,3,2 seconds… Breathe, breathe...
Nothing. Has the world held its collective breath too?
I stand like a prat for a minute then rush to look out the window. I see you, a few yards away. You are deep in conversation. With Dominic. You are walking AWAY from my trailer. Walking away from me.
He has put his arms around your shoulder and is leaning right in. I see you laugh and then you snake your arm around his waist. Your arm. His waist. That doesn't compute.
I watch as you reach that point of the compound that is the most secluded. You both look around, quickly, then –
Wednesday, later
You just came by, with Dominic. You were both giggling and flushed. I saw your eyes light on the debris on the floor and you frowned.
I was conciliatory, apologetic but casual.
"Sorry, Billy, I was getting something off the shelf and I knocked it off. I am such a klutz sometimes."
You looked kind of sad then, but you shrugged and Dominic gave you a knowing glance which should have been my knowing glance to give.
You both left soon after, promising to call by and take me out for a drink, and I yawned and smiled and shooed you both out. Closed the trailer door and kicked at the debris of a shitty little Star Wars memento, kicked at the debris of my heart.
I can't reach out and knock you to the floor, stamp on you, break you into a hundred tiny pieces. I want to, but I can't.
I can't because I love you, Billy Boyd.
And you will never, ever know.
The End