1. Slash-hopper

AN: First in an occasional series of adventures featuring everyone's favourite spaceslut before he joined slashfleet. The title of part 1 will only mean anything to you if you watched "Kung Fu" in the 70s and 80s.

The silk wrap caressed his skin, sending ripples of pleasure throughout his body; he decided he would never wear anything ever again which did not afford the same sensation. In the courtyard, illuminated by the triple moons of Kewtopia, he could see the flagellates busy flagellating themselves with various and nasty looking instruments of flagellation. For months, Kewtbot had been studying under the great logi, Baird, to attain true enlightenment through self-denial, breathing techniques and trance therapy. He was well versed in the theory; shortly he would put it all into practice.

The blind old logi laid his gnarled hand on Kewtbot’s shoulder and squeezed gently. He had been celibate for two hundred years, the great logi Baird, devoting his life to the teaching of techniques to the favoured and esteemed pupils of the planet’s premier Geisha Academy. Only sons and daughters of the great families of Kewtopia were permitted to enter the Academy. Kewtbot had been studying there for twelve years and had passed through every level of attainment top of his class. Well, except for Care and Consideration of the Older Lover - he had been insufficiently enthusiastic about providing oral relief for the millennium old Fartbot, his cousin six times removed; his ill-feigned repugnance had been reflected in his scores. But it hadn’t held him back. He was considered the star pupil of the Academy and great things were envisaged for him.

Now he had only to pass this final test and he would graduate. His father and mother, the King and Queen, were even now outside the gates of the Academy with a cake in the shape of a Pandorian pleasure rod, and banners. There would be feasting for several weeks and a succession of eminent Kewtopians would pass through Kewtbot’s chamber in celebration of his new status as Prince. Of course, should his six older brothers and sisters ever die, he would become heir apparent to the throne, have to find a royal bride and put his life as a pleasurebot behind him. He was truly grateful all his siblings were healthy, hearty specimens, so that a life of regal regimentation would forever remain nothing but a terrible nightmare.

Kewtbot wanted to experience it all. To have it all. To escape the confines of Kewtopia and experience different - bigger - species.

“It is time, Kewtbot,” the logi said, his voice low and yet full of dignity, his unseeing eyes rheumy yet brimming with wisdom. In his hand he held the flagellation stick, eighteen inches long and studded with thick spikes.

“Remember all I have taught you, my child,” Baird said, gently pulling Kewtbot to his feet. He pushed him towards the door to the courtyard and his future.

“Only by this final act, this releasing of the self can you achieve the luminance. Your spirit will soar with each laceration, your ego will flee your body and you will have utter contentment. It is the goal of the pleasurebot to minister to the needs of the other, to forego his own needs. I tell you, my child, with each drop of blood shed, with each layer of skin removed, you will find a new meaning to your life. Come now, Kewtbot, have you any remaining questions, my child?”

“Kewtbot?”

“Kewtbot?”

To Episode 8 of Cast in Space